I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
