grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
