Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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