I feel great
I just peed on a car
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
