I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
