Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
