Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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