He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
