Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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