He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
