so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
