i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
