Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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