New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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