I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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