Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
