If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
