he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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