i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
