he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
