dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
