I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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