it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm like, not good at living.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
