Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
