exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
