Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
