I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
