dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
