is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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