my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
