This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
