in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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