Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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