be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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