I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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