Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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