apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He called his prostate his "boner button".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
