I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
