i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
