i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
