he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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