M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize