HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
