Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
