Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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