I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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