I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
