sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
