toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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