In America we eat man semen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
