If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
