Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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