i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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