Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
