wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
