I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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