Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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