wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
