i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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