For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
