am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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