Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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