Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
