Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
