At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My penis needs a shock collar
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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