Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
