sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
