I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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