roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
