we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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