Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
