So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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