I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
