Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
