I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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