if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
