I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
