Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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