First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
