i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
